Emerging from Behind the Redwood Curtain

It has been awhile, blog-land. And I considered starting a new blog as I am amidst transitions in my life and it made sense just to start over since it has been so long. But I decided to keep with this one. Not because I think that I am a phenomenal writer, or that anyone is reading or dieing with anticipation to hear about how things are going for me, but because this is a way to chart my personal growth, my productivity, my progress. This is for me.

SO, I moved to Eugene, Oregon! I have been here for two weeks now. I moved here alone. No, I don't have a job here or a lover here or a reason, really, to be here. Accept, why the hell not? I don't have kids. I am single. I am in my late twenties and I am open to adventure, possibilities, magic and beauty. I am unbound in everyway. Sign me up! I had been interested in Oregon and had the sense that my next move would be north. I felt drawn here for sometime. But, with jobs and friends and family and lovers, a few years went by. So, I decided if not now...then when?

SO. Here I am. Wait, here I am? I know no one? I don't have a job? FUCK.

Actually, I am making my way. I have made a few friends and have enjoyed exploring. Biking in Eugene is great with such beautiful streets all lined by big, marvelous old trees that arch overhead. And the colors! WOW! I realized...I have NEVER lived in a place that really exemplified fall, bursting with warmth and beauty. I have become a leaf-collecting-mad-person! I find myself uncontrollably pulling over and hopping off my bike to marvel at the fallen leaves and their brilliancy. Today, I swirved off the road today to take a gander at this row of four established trees that glowed a bright, warm orange in their centers and radiated a deep burgundy outward. A scruffy older man walked past me and grumped, obviously confused as to why I had stopped dead in my tracks. I didn't care, I was in awe of the spectacle before me.

Finding a job, however, has proven more difficult. I have been bartending and serving for over 8 years. My last two jobs I was hired, without either barely interviewing me,based purely on the reputation I had earned of being genuinely hard-working, creatively inspired, and experienced. I had, of course, heard that Oregon was a place notoriously difficult to score a job. But, dang....really? I am about to head over to Applebees for their 'Hiring Bonanza!' Oh, God. Please help me. Or at least wish me luck.

I am but a child of the cosmos.

Today has been one of those magically rare days where...

a deeper understanding than usual has overcome me regarding 

the absolutely absurd perfection of this universe we call home,

of the balance and rightness of it all, 

of my place within it.

No ifs or buts, no wondering why or trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together 

or attempting to wield anything in my favor.

 Just a sincere acceptance of what is and a gratitude for the  

wondrous orchestration, the overwhelming symmetry, the give and take of life. 

I love days like these where I feel the 

Universe has taken me under her wing 

and I am but a child of the cosmos, 

who knows not of her mysterious reasons why...

 and that is perfectly. OK. 

My only wish is

that I will find myself visiting this beautiful place 

again sometime soon.

Travel-FEATHER-light Challenge!

Planning for our trip to Hawai'i.

Official COUNTDOWN: we leave in FIFTEEN DAYS.

My objective: to pack super-stealth-feather-light.

We will be camping, hiking and traveling by foot for most of the trip and we are spending 10 whole days on the islands AND I am a chronic over packer. (My Burning Man kit this past summer was RIDICULOUS. I ended up wearing only two outfits and my vintage fur coat the majority of the week.) The actual problem: I have an eclectic style and a wardrobe to match with many prized vintage pieces that I have gathered. I don't tend to incorporate these pieces in my daily-garb between the work and school grind. I tend to dress more simply and having worked in the service industry for...awhile...my day-to-day wardrobe consists of a lot of blacks and grays. SO, for my far-out-vacations, I tend to let loose, letting my inner boho, dharma bum, free spirit out. As an artist, it is difficult to predict my mood and how I will want to express myself.

Gosh, this is hard!

SO, I am trying my darndest to pack ONLY what I need, the BARE MINIMUM, and what I will actually wear. I have taken a peek at some traveling tips online from those ladies who are award-winning-minimalists and I am in awe.

Wish me luck!

28...I made it!

My birthday was last Saturday February the 9th and it was.....beautiful, heart warming, fulfilling. My birthday was a concentration of my life, all packed into one day while simultaneously being a relaxing, easy going, mellow day. I was surrounded by some really brilliant souls, and felt the love and admiration of many others that weren't able to spend my birthday with me physically. It was all a reflection of the life I have come to be living, a combination of gifts and blessings given so gracefully to me by the Universe, my family, my friends and the hard work I have done with my own two hands in looking at myself honestly and in building my framework, my foundation from the ground up.

Highlights of my day:

• Waking up to my parents joyfully and energetically serenading me at my doorstep! (So cute! AND scoring a JUICER! YAY!
• Eating a casual brunch with a few of my favorite goldies at my place. (Goldies: my term for brightly spirited individuals, there light shining strong!) And receiving some really thoughtful gifts. :)
• The beginning of a serious expenditure: the search for the oldest tree in Humboldt County. I was unaware that this tree is one of Humboldt County's best kept secrets! ONWARD: the search continues! 
• LOVE letters! <3 Yes. I have the most beautiful friends. I received love few letters from some of my very dear friends. AND a few very touching cards that really spoke to my heart. (How many times did I cry?)
• Kyotos. Obviously. Dinner was amazing, as usual. 
• Groovin' to Buddy Reed and the Rip It Ups. Raw, raunchy, blues. Doesn't get any betta!
• Family dinner the next day with some seriously AMAZING vegetable lasagna my Mums made from scratch. YUM!
• Feeling really appreciated and loved by a handful of really beautiful beings. I am blessed!

 28 feels good. Life feels good. <3

Collaborative Efforts

Another dear friend of mine's birthday is today! To celebrate her birth, her being alive, her being a powerful force who I feel honored to be friends with, I wanted to offer support and encouragement for her as she has recently, righteously charged down her path with a furry and determination I have never seen. She has been working on restructuring her foundation for herself, which seems perfectly understandable since she is turning 29 and is in the thick of her return of Saturn, where every thirty-ish (can be twenty seven-thirty three) years one comes into contact with their authority in a new way and is given the choice and opportunity to recalibrate themselves and to realign themselves on their path and to FIERCELY take charge. (I have been in the thick of it for about a year now, as I am turning 28 in a few days, and let me tell ya, good ole' Saturn's return is a VERY real thing!) It is definitely a challenging time in life where ultimate choices are made that have long lasting effects. Even in choosing to not react to a deeper intuitive knowing or hunch on something in one's life, is in fact making a very real choice that seems to ripple outward in one's pond exponentially.

Anywho...my friend has just miraculously taken charge of her life, of her responsibility toward herself and toward making her life HER OWN. It has been so incredibly inspiring hearing her tales and in her confessions of bewilderment, as she has no idea where this drive is coming from. I decided to celebrate her with building her an altar. I envisioned creating a space that would be a reminder of the overwhelming support and admiration she has from, not only myself, but from SO many people. I initially had ideas of sneaking into her house and having it all nailed to the wall to surprise her. BUT, that seemed....not quite right. It came to me, to assist my friend in constructing her own altar! I will be...creative support, direction, motivation, inspiration....or whatever she needs from me! I have provided a shelf and an attached box, which was generously constructed out of Redwood by my sister. I gave her some framed affirmations, some quotes.

All of the 

beauty 

that has ever existed in the Universe, 

exists 

within 

YOU.

I am not claiming to be a spiritual psychic or intuitive that can help realign people with their true selves. I am claiming only to be a person who sincerely supports others of their own self-development, self-discovery, self-love, and self-acceptance. I feel one of my duties in this existence, in this life, is to be a spiritual supporter, confidant, and to help people to find their own personal processes in what works for them. I feel my job is to help other spirits to thrive  and to fulfill their higher potentials in anyway I can and I am personally inspired and motivated by those who dig down deep, getting their hands filthy, dirty with their buried memories, emotions, desires, hopes, dreams. I am charged by those who take responsibility for themselves and for their destinies on this realm. 

It is an exciting time to be alive! I feel such gratitude for being here, being alive, being given the gift of waking up each morning and in reaching, almost, my 28th birthday! I have a feeling...that this will be the best year yet! 

  

Search the Darkness

Life's waters flow from darkness.

Search the darkness, don't run from it. 

Night travelers are full of light

And you are, too. Don't leave this companionship.

Be a wakeful candle in a golden dish.

Don't slip into the dirt like quicksilver.

The moon appears for night travelers

Be watchful when the moon in full.

-Rumi

Exploring Humboldt.

After living in a place for nearly ten years, one would think that I had exhausted all my exploring options. NOT A CHANCE. Adventuring in Humboldt county is seriously never-ending. Profoundly limitless. Ridiculously infinite. No joke. Even in the winter time, where overcast skies and rains grace a good five to six months of the year, there are still soooooooooooooo many beautiful places to go see and experience.



Me, atop a mighty dune!

Recently, my room mates took me to Ma-le'l Dunes in Manila. WOW. I couldn't believe that I had never been here! It is so accessible and so magical. We parked just off of Young Lane and explored only the southern-most trail that begins in a fantastical coastal forest with moss dripping and dangling from tree limbs, big multicolored mushrooms alongside the trails, and thick bright green moss covering the forest floor. It seemed I had stepped into Alice's Wonderland, but had forgotten the psychedelics! The trail converges from forest to marsh land and then to the majestic, shape-shifting dunes and finally to the beach. It seemed other-worldly, way out there. And with such a vastness, one rarely ran into anyone else. Great for jogging and hiking, and also for quite meditation and introspection.



Gailen, David and Poncho striding along the beach.

Ma-le'l Dunes are 444 acres of protected BLM and US Fish and Wildlife protected land. The southern portion is dog friendly, where the northern portion is closed off to dogs. Friends of the Dunes has some good information and great maps including dog friendly trails and a plant-guide.

http://www.friendsofthedunes.org/resources/malel/

A sunset view through the forest that border the dunes.

In talking with friends and acquaintances about my experience, many were unfamiliar and it seems Me-l'el is somewhat off the radar. I have been shared a treasure! I am looking forward to doing more exploring here.

Delicate treasure, shore-bound. 

Enormous creatures, such as this, are strewn all along the beach awaiting disovery.

Self Portrait, on Ma-l'el Dunes.

 



Project: Blueprint

In starting this blog, and in trying to restructure my ideas, interests, passions, so that I may convey them in a comprehensible manner to whomever might check me out, I am doing a lot of brainstorming, goal-setting, and to-do lists. I am finding this process to be incredibly inspiring. And, rather than overwhelming, I am finding it to be really directional. I am creating a map, a blueprint. The objective of this blog is to find the common, golden, glittery threads of beauty and magic that I experience through this multifaceted, multidimensional existence of mine while being an artist, a creative-force, a dreamer, an explorer, an idealist, a writer, an inhabitant of Humboldt county. This is a personal space for me to express myself COMPREHENSIVELY. All of me...every little bit. And, it is a bit scary. Thoughts run through my mind: Am I really ready for this? Can I pull this off? Am I a good enough writer? Whose going to read it anyways? BUT. I push those thoughts aside. I have wanted to do this for sometime and NOW is the time! I CHOOSE to be productive, to share, to take risks.

 I firmly believe that opportunities, ideas, prompts, experiences, people come to us at PRECISELY the moment in which they should and EXACTLY when we are ready for them.  I trust in the Universe to guide me toward what serves my highest potential.

So, here goes!

Why Humboldt?

This is a curious question I have been asking myself for years. I moved here when I was 18, fresh out of high school, nearly a decade ago. I really didn't know much about this place that I chose to move to. I knew no one here, I knew nothing of the weather (I didn't even own an umbrella!), nor did I know what a healing space I would come across. Come to think of it, I knew very little of my deeper self or about life's truths in general. But what I did know is there was something very special about Humboldt and it called to me. The decision I made to move here was based purely on intuition.

I grew up in the Mojave Desert of Southern California. The high desert was a very desolate, barren, economically depressed area where drug manufacturing and trafficking, teenage pregnancy and high-school drop-out rates were overwhelming, touching an obscene percentage of the population. Surviving, let alone flourishing and/or thriving in the desert was not easy. Temperatures in the winter dipped below the 30's where in the summer tipped the charts into 120's. Severe sand and electrical storms graced the other seasons. Physically, I had trouble with the extreme weather, passing out a lot as a kid and as a teenager. I wasn't built for the heat. I was determined to get out.

I was fortunate enough to have a science professor introduce Humboldt State University as a potential university that might sit well with me due to its small class size, strong art and science background, and it being one of the most affordable schools in the state. I came up my Junior year to check it out and...Humboldt resonated deeply within me. I only spent a quick weekend, but still I had never experienced anything like it. I remember it pouring rain, typical Humboldt winter weather, and even though all I had come with were flip-flops, I still reveled in the beauty of the rain as it washed over me and my very cold toes! (I would come to find the temperate climate and average 40 inches of rainfall a year soothing.) I had never been this far north, and never thought twice about much of anything existing north of San Fransisco. And it is no effortless trek to drive this far. It seems a two part drive, coming from southern California. The stretch to SF on the 5 isn't particularly difficult, more drawn out. Then from the bay area on up is much more a testament to one's patience and endurance with the windy, two lane highway and numerous enormous logging trucks whizzing by/impatiently riding your tail. Combined with the sheets of rain, depending upon the time of year, and the treacherous cliff-side views, the drive up is exhausting even for a very experienced driver. 

After my first visit to Humboldt, I knew and felt something change. A seed had been planted. I held onto that sense of wonder and magic and took home with me hope and motivation, although still pondering what it was I was drawn to. And...ten years later, I am happy to report that there is still a sense of wonder that is very real and alive that surrounds us here living behind the Redwood curtain. Something calls to us to come and  explore her rivers, her meadows, her beach trails, her majestic views of the coast, to sit in the forests at the feet of beings that have existed for hundreds of years. A wisdom calls to be shared with those who care to listen.

Gratitude.

Yesterday, January 15th, was a very special day: twas the birth day of one of the most amazing people I have ever met in this life and quite possibly many other previous existences! My dear friend, Gailen, who is my confidant, house-mate, spiritual council-member, teacher, and cosmic-sister, has proven time and time again to sparkle and shine through her thoughtful, intellectual feedback, unconditional love and respect, giving freely her guidance and support. I have learned so much from this woman about being a strong, powerful female and in embracing life. It seems only fitting to share with you all here in blog-land, in my very first blog post ever, a little about my life and those that mean a great deal to me and how it is possible that I have found myself here....living this amazingly beautiful, blessed life. I feel absolutely honored to be given so many gifts, so many opportunities, so many blessings. This is my little way of sharing with you, my little way of saying thank you. I'm gonna tell ya a little story.

Gailen sings to herself crazily. This photo captures her perfectly! <3

This is dedicated to Gailen. Happy Birthday, my beauteous-friend, you! I hope this year brings you all blessings you deserve: happiness, health, joy, deeper listening and understanding, inspiration, lots of laughter, finding your hidden treasures, uncovering the Universe's secrets, magic, beauty! IT'S ALL YOURS! I hope you know you have made a profound impact in my life, my heart. I love you Miss Gailen. For ever and for always.

 

Gailen making a top-secret, super-sacred birthday wish.

We met a little over a year ago. We worked together at a local restaurant. A little ball of pure energy, I was so intrigued. We fell in love pretty much instantly. Her gregarious disposition was refreshing, exciting, exhilarating. She was spirited and ambitious like no one else I had ever seen. We laughed A LOT. We exchanged our tales of our experiences and found that we held similar dreams for our futures. We were, and still are, very different individuals but found common golden, glittery threads interwoven throughout the things in life that mattered, the fundamentals. We both believed in the beauty and the magic of life and were open to life's giving so graciously of endless opportunity. So, we decided to take life up on it: she moved into my one bedroom apartment only TWO MONTHS later. Why the hell not? It felt right.

Then...oh man...THEN...the final piece to our puzzle walked right in under our noses. We had no clue. She was hired at the restaurant we worked at. She was, at first, seemingly shy, timid and kept to herself. She was resistant to breaking from her shell. It took us awhile to get her to go out with us after work. With some persistence, we all started hanging out a bit. We all started making our paper mache masks for a Make-Your-Own-Masquerade party I hosted in honor of my birthday and a fellow Aquarian-friend. We got to know each other over bowls of flour and water and glue. As we applied layer after layer of our paper mache, I had the intuitive feeling that we had found someone and we found her for a reason. We found Amandy.

Amanda, uh-hum I mean Gary, and I at the Masquerade Party. 

It was THIS VERY MOMENT, that I saw magic in her.

The three of us began spending a lot of time together. Amandy had similar interests and felt strongly about certain things in life just as we did. It was a done deal. She, too, moved in. It was amazing. Our connection, our honesty with each other, our bond was beautiful. It seemed fateful that we all met when we did, such precise timing in each of our lives and so the three of us rode fate's beautifully vibrant coat-tails together! We began looking for a house. We found an incredible place tucked on the other side of town on a dead-end, quiet, little street that fit all of our requirements. It was nestled up against an Old Growth Redwood ravine and blocking the ENTIRE house from the street sat a majestic 140 year old redwood tree that seemed to welcome us. The Redwood Tent. (A reference to Anita Diamant's book, The Red Tent, that had been significant to each of our growth and understanding of the female perspective and capacity, the thirst, to be fierce and accomplished women.)

 

The Redwood that lives in our front yard although this picture does it absolutely no justice. 

We shared with each other our dreams and goals and hopes for the future. We worked together. We partied together. We caused trouble, stomping through the streets on insanely rainy nights yelling and screaming together. We made a raucous together, broke shit together, drank buckets of gin together. We sang and danced and laughed together. We lived together.

Living with the Redwood Giants. View from our breakfast nook/over the deck. 

Looking back now, as this was all going on at this time a year ago it is amazing how effortless it all was. It all happened with such an ease, like nothing else I had experienced in my life. It didn't feel like going against the grain for what I wanted or needed or felt in my bones and my blood was right. It was handed to me. It was, and still is, unfathomable. Unimaginable. BUT, it was definitely not dumb luck. I am a firm believer in setting intentions and in ASKING the Universe, or your spirit guides, your angels, your God or whomever you speak to for guidance, for help in finding what it is your soul truly needs to be alive, to flourish. We had each asked in our own ways for answers to our questions, for truth and for beauty, and to find the people that we needed to help us accomplish our soul's purposes, to dive deeper into ourselves and to find our truths. We asked to find support, motivation needed to move forth in the world having found direction. We asked to find other like-minded women. And...we found each other. We built something unique together: a collaborative space that encouraged growth in any direction without expectation or dependency on each other. We allowed each other the freedom we needed to be, to blossom. We built a communal home, where we grocery shop together, cook together, eat together around our dinner table where we over breakfast talk about our dreams, or over dinner talk about our experiences of that day. We share. We laugh. We dance. We sing.

And so I am filled with such an overwhelming appreciation for being given CHOICES to make that have allowed me to direct my own life. I am incredibly REVERENT toward the earth, the cosmos, my guides, my family, my friends, my messages, my omens, my dreams, my treasures, my life, MYSELF. I feel sincere reverence for this beautifully sacred life that I have been given.

 

Dinner tonight with my lovely house-mates, Gailen and Rosemary.

Centerpiece at dinner tonight. 

'Behind the Reverent Curtain' is a space for me to express that gratitude. Reverence is defined as: a feeling or attitude of deep respect tinged with awe; veneration. The title is a play on words referring to the region that I live in, which is often referred to as being tucked "behind the redwood curtain." This is a place that I have lived for nearly ten years. This is place that called to me when I was a young babe of only 18. I was so drawn to this place and was unsure of why for quite a few years after moving here. But, now....I understand. This place has shown me such love, such compassion, such grace. This place has opened up to me and offered me a mirror to see myself as I truly am, with all my flaws and faults, but also all my potential, my gifts, my talents, my ability to affect those around me. I feel the need to give back. THIS is a space for me to do so.

Thank you. Thank you for this opportunity. Thank you for giving what you have given. Thank you for allowing me to be myself, to find myself, to revel in myself. Thank you for my time here.