Search the Darkness

Life's waters flow from darkness.

Search the darkness, don't run from it. 

Night travelers are full of light

And you are, too. Don't leave this companionship.

Be a wakeful candle in a golden dish.

Don't slip into the dirt like quicksilver.

The moon appears for night travelers

Be watchful when the moon in full.

-Rumi

Exploring Humboldt.

After living in a place for nearly ten years, one would think that I had exhausted all my exploring options. NOT A CHANCE. Adventuring in Humboldt county is seriously never-ending. Profoundly limitless. Ridiculously infinite. No joke. Even in the winter time, where overcast skies and rains grace a good five to six months of the year, there are still soooooooooooooo many beautiful places to go see and experience.



Me, atop a mighty dune!

Recently, my room mates took me to Ma-le'l Dunes in Manila. WOW. I couldn't believe that I had never been here! It is so accessible and so magical. We parked just off of Young Lane and explored only the southern-most trail that begins in a fantastical coastal forest with moss dripping and dangling from tree limbs, big multicolored mushrooms alongside the trails, and thick bright green moss covering the forest floor. It seemed I had stepped into Alice's Wonderland, but had forgotten the psychedelics! The trail converges from forest to marsh land and then to the majestic, shape-shifting dunes and finally to the beach. It seemed other-worldly, way out there. And with such a vastness, one rarely ran into anyone else. Great for jogging and hiking, and also for quite meditation and introspection.



Gailen, David and Poncho striding along the beach.

Ma-le'l Dunes are 444 acres of protected BLM and US Fish and Wildlife protected land. The southern portion is dog friendly, where the northern portion is closed off to dogs. Friends of the Dunes has some good information and great maps including dog friendly trails and a plant-guide.

http://www.friendsofthedunes.org/resources/malel/

A sunset view through the forest that border the dunes.

In talking with friends and acquaintances about my experience, many were unfamiliar and it seems Me-l'el is somewhat off the radar. I have been shared a treasure! I am looking forward to doing more exploring here.

Delicate treasure, shore-bound. 

Enormous creatures, such as this, are strewn all along the beach awaiting disovery.

Self Portrait, on Ma-l'el Dunes.

 



Project: Blueprint

In starting this blog, and in trying to restructure my ideas, interests, passions, so that I may convey them in a comprehensible manner to whomever might check me out, I am doing a lot of brainstorming, goal-setting, and to-do lists. I am finding this process to be incredibly inspiring. And, rather than overwhelming, I am finding it to be really directional. I am creating a map, a blueprint. The objective of this blog is to find the common, golden, glittery threads of beauty and magic that I experience through this multifaceted, multidimensional existence of mine while being an artist, a creative-force, a dreamer, an explorer, an idealist, a writer, an inhabitant of Humboldt county. This is a personal space for me to express myself COMPREHENSIVELY. All of me...every little bit. And, it is a bit scary. Thoughts run through my mind: Am I really ready for this? Can I pull this off? Am I a good enough writer? Whose going to read it anyways? BUT. I push those thoughts aside. I have wanted to do this for sometime and NOW is the time! I CHOOSE to be productive, to share, to take risks.

 I firmly believe that opportunities, ideas, prompts, experiences, people come to us at PRECISELY the moment in which they should and EXACTLY when we are ready for them.  I trust in the Universe to guide me toward what serves my highest potential.

So, here goes!

Why Humboldt?

This is a curious question I have been asking myself for years. I moved here when I was 18, fresh out of high school, nearly a decade ago. I really didn't know much about this place that I chose to move to. I knew no one here, I knew nothing of the weather (I didn't even own an umbrella!), nor did I know what a healing space I would come across. Come to think of it, I knew very little of my deeper self or about life's truths in general. But what I did know is there was something very special about Humboldt and it called to me. The decision I made to move here was based purely on intuition.

I grew up in the Mojave Desert of Southern California. The high desert was a very desolate, barren, economically depressed area where drug manufacturing and trafficking, teenage pregnancy and high-school drop-out rates were overwhelming, touching an obscene percentage of the population. Surviving, let alone flourishing and/or thriving in the desert was not easy. Temperatures in the winter dipped below the 30's where in the summer tipped the charts into 120's. Severe sand and electrical storms graced the other seasons. Physically, I had trouble with the extreme weather, passing out a lot as a kid and as a teenager. I wasn't built for the heat. I was determined to get out.

I was fortunate enough to have a science professor introduce Humboldt State University as a potential university that might sit well with me due to its small class size, strong art and science background, and it being one of the most affordable schools in the state. I came up my Junior year to check it out and...Humboldt resonated deeply within me. I only spent a quick weekend, but still I had never experienced anything like it. I remember it pouring rain, typical Humboldt winter weather, and even though all I had come with were flip-flops, I still reveled in the beauty of the rain as it washed over me and my very cold toes! (I would come to find the temperate climate and average 40 inches of rainfall a year soothing.) I had never been this far north, and never thought twice about much of anything existing north of San Fransisco. And it is no effortless trek to drive this far. It seems a two part drive, coming from southern California. The stretch to SF on the 5 isn't particularly difficult, more drawn out. Then from the bay area on up is much more a testament to one's patience and endurance with the windy, two lane highway and numerous enormous logging trucks whizzing by/impatiently riding your tail. Combined with the sheets of rain, depending upon the time of year, and the treacherous cliff-side views, the drive up is exhausting even for a very experienced driver. 

After my first visit to Humboldt, I knew and felt something change. A seed had been planted. I held onto that sense of wonder and magic and took home with me hope and motivation, although still pondering what it was I was drawn to. And...ten years later, I am happy to report that there is still a sense of wonder that is very real and alive that surrounds us here living behind the Redwood curtain. Something calls to us to come and  explore her rivers, her meadows, her beach trails, her majestic views of the coast, to sit in the forests at the feet of beings that have existed for hundreds of years. A wisdom calls to be shared with those who care to listen.

Gratitude.

Yesterday, January 15th, was a very special day: twas the birth day of one of the most amazing people I have ever met in this life and quite possibly many other previous existences! My dear friend, Gailen, who is my confidant, house-mate, spiritual council-member, teacher, and cosmic-sister, has proven time and time again to sparkle and shine through her thoughtful, intellectual feedback, unconditional love and respect, giving freely her guidance and support. I have learned so much from this woman about being a strong, powerful female and in embracing life. It seems only fitting to share with you all here in blog-land, in my very first blog post ever, a little about my life and those that mean a great deal to me and how it is possible that I have found myself here....living this amazingly beautiful, blessed life. I feel absolutely honored to be given so many gifts, so many opportunities, so many blessings. This is my little way of sharing with you, my little way of saying thank you. I'm gonna tell ya a little story.

Gailen sings to herself crazily. This photo captures her perfectly! <3

This is dedicated to Gailen. Happy Birthday, my beauteous-friend, you! I hope this year brings you all blessings you deserve: happiness, health, joy, deeper listening and understanding, inspiration, lots of laughter, finding your hidden treasures, uncovering the Universe's secrets, magic, beauty! IT'S ALL YOURS! I hope you know you have made a profound impact in my life, my heart. I love you Miss Gailen. For ever and for always.

 

Gailen making a top-secret, super-sacred birthday wish.

We met a little over a year ago. We worked together at a local restaurant. A little ball of pure energy, I was so intrigued. We fell in love pretty much instantly. Her gregarious disposition was refreshing, exciting, exhilarating. She was spirited and ambitious like no one else I had ever seen. We laughed A LOT. We exchanged our tales of our experiences and found that we held similar dreams for our futures. We were, and still are, very different individuals but found common golden, glittery threads interwoven throughout the things in life that mattered, the fundamentals. We both believed in the beauty and the magic of life and were open to life's giving so graciously of endless opportunity. So, we decided to take life up on it: she moved into my one bedroom apartment only TWO MONTHS later. Why the hell not? It felt right.

Then...oh man...THEN...the final piece to our puzzle walked right in under our noses. We had no clue. She was hired at the restaurant we worked at. She was, at first, seemingly shy, timid and kept to herself. She was resistant to breaking from her shell. It took us awhile to get her to go out with us after work. With some persistence, we all started hanging out a bit. We all started making our paper mache masks for a Make-Your-Own-Masquerade party I hosted in honor of my birthday and a fellow Aquarian-friend. We got to know each other over bowls of flour and water and glue. As we applied layer after layer of our paper mache, I had the intuitive feeling that we had found someone and we found her for a reason. We found Amandy.

Amanda, uh-hum I mean Gary, and I at the Masquerade Party. 

It was THIS VERY MOMENT, that I saw magic in her.

The three of us began spending a lot of time together. Amandy had similar interests and felt strongly about certain things in life just as we did. It was a done deal. She, too, moved in. It was amazing. Our connection, our honesty with each other, our bond was beautiful. It seemed fateful that we all met when we did, such precise timing in each of our lives and so the three of us rode fate's beautifully vibrant coat-tails together! We began looking for a house. We found an incredible place tucked on the other side of town on a dead-end, quiet, little street that fit all of our requirements. It was nestled up against an Old Growth Redwood ravine and blocking the ENTIRE house from the street sat a majestic 140 year old redwood tree that seemed to welcome us. The Redwood Tent. (A reference to Anita Diamant's book, The Red Tent, that had been significant to each of our growth and understanding of the female perspective and capacity, the thirst, to be fierce and accomplished women.)

 

The Redwood that lives in our front yard although this picture does it absolutely no justice. 

We shared with each other our dreams and goals and hopes for the future. We worked together. We partied together. We caused trouble, stomping through the streets on insanely rainy nights yelling and screaming together. We made a raucous together, broke shit together, drank buckets of gin together. We sang and danced and laughed together. We lived together.

Living with the Redwood Giants. View from our breakfast nook/over the deck. 

Looking back now, as this was all going on at this time a year ago it is amazing how effortless it all was. It all happened with such an ease, like nothing else I had experienced in my life. It didn't feel like going against the grain for what I wanted or needed or felt in my bones and my blood was right. It was handed to me. It was, and still is, unfathomable. Unimaginable. BUT, it was definitely not dumb luck. I am a firm believer in setting intentions and in ASKING the Universe, or your spirit guides, your angels, your God or whomever you speak to for guidance, for help in finding what it is your soul truly needs to be alive, to flourish. We had each asked in our own ways for answers to our questions, for truth and for beauty, and to find the people that we needed to help us accomplish our soul's purposes, to dive deeper into ourselves and to find our truths. We asked to find support, motivation needed to move forth in the world having found direction. We asked to find other like-minded women. And...we found each other. We built something unique together: a collaborative space that encouraged growth in any direction without expectation or dependency on each other. We allowed each other the freedom we needed to be, to blossom. We built a communal home, where we grocery shop together, cook together, eat together around our dinner table where we over breakfast talk about our dreams, or over dinner talk about our experiences of that day. We share. We laugh. We dance. We sing.

And so I am filled with such an overwhelming appreciation for being given CHOICES to make that have allowed me to direct my own life. I am incredibly REVERENT toward the earth, the cosmos, my guides, my family, my friends, my messages, my omens, my dreams, my treasures, my life, MYSELF. I feel sincere reverence for this beautifully sacred life that I have been given.

 

Dinner tonight with my lovely house-mates, Gailen and Rosemary.

Centerpiece at dinner tonight. 

'Behind the Reverent Curtain' is a space for me to express that gratitude. Reverence is defined as: a feeling or attitude of deep respect tinged with awe; veneration. The title is a play on words referring to the region that I live in, which is often referred to as being tucked "behind the redwood curtain." This is a place that I have lived for nearly ten years. This is place that called to me when I was a young babe of only 18. I was so drawn to this place and was unsure of why for quite a few years after moving here. But, now....I understand. This place has shown me such love, such compassion, such grace. This place has opened up to me and offered me a mirror to see myself as I truly am, with all my flaws and faults, but also all my potential, my gifts, my talents, my ability to affect those around me. I feel the need to give back. THIS is a space for me to do so.

Thank you. Thank you for this opportunity. Thank you for giving what you have given. Thank you for allowing me to be myself, to find myself, to revel in myself. Thank you for my time here.